From the deep blue mood

Written on May 21, 2010. And forgotten about.

When I burst out in tears when my baby cries and I can’t console her and she needs R’s or my mother’s hands to calm her down, I wonder if it is PPD. During the morose period, I wonder where the gushes of love are, where the connection is. Is it PPD? The thought depresses me. These episodes seem to happen more often in the late afternoon-evening, when she wants to feed non-stop and does NOT want to sleep. I am tired. She gets cranky. I wonder, does she get cranky when I get tired or do I get tired when she is cranky? Does it matter?

My husband was jealous that I got to feel her whenever she moved while in my belly. Now, he is a better non-feed-baby-cry-stopper than I am. I am happy.

My mother provides all the food for me, she can also soothe baby wonderfully, but of course!

When I can squeeze in some sleep while she is sleeping or being engaged by her father or grandmother, I regain energy and banish those blues.

She is sleeping next to me now. I want to eat that button nose.

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